Kurt Jalfred Casas… Did i mean a lot to you?

 This is the true story that happen in the two of us…

This may cover the session when we became to know each other until he decided to have his own way…

Sa una akala ko hindi ako maiinlove sa kanya. I feel all was just a game. I wanted to play game with him. Naging kami naman talaga, pero hindi ko siya sineryoso, maybe in some other way I it but in plenty of way, parang hindi. Malayo kasi kami sa isa’t isa. I never really trusted him. That’s the one reason why I didn’t care with his feelings before. Until we get to the point of testing the faithfulness of each feelings and faithfulness. Yeah! We exchange different personal things, aside from what you have seen in here. But because I didn’t trust him very well, I don’t give him all the necessary things which can make destroy me when time comes. I don’t want to destroy him anyway. I just want to share my experience and wrong deeds with him. He almost gave me everything. “Everything” na halos wala nang matira sa kanya.

Nagkamali lang ako ng hindi ko nakita ang katapatang iyon. Hindi ko isinapuso and lahat ng kanyang ginawa. Sa halip ako ang unti-uting sumira ng relasyon naming. He was an intelligent student. Kahil hectic man ang schedule nya ay pinipilit nya paring bigyan ako ng time. Yon nga lang, manhid yata ako. Hindi ko dinama iyon dahil sarili ko lang iniisip ko at hidi ko xa binigyan ng time at sapat na pagtitiwala.

Akala ko okay lang ang lahat. Kahit ako pa nga ang my kasalan ay siya pa ang nagpapakababa para lang magkaayos kami. He’s such a great man. I didn’t expect he would give me so much love and trust like that.

Pero mapaglaro talaga ang tadhana. I get to the point of realizing that I have fallen with him. Nalito ako at natakot, kaya lumayo muna ako. Inilayo ko ang sarili ko sa kanya. But after that, lumayo din siya. Ewan ko, hindi niya man lang yata ako pinaglaban gaya ng dati. Even our relationship hindi nya na pinag aksayahan pa ng panahon na ipaglaban din. I feel different that time. I want to shout him that im very mad at him pero hindi ko ginawa, kasalan ko naman kasi.

Madaming araw ang lumipas, hanggang sa umabot na sa ilang buwan. Hanggang di ako nakatiis at ako na mismo ang naunang magparamdam. He responded me and got bliss that time. Doon ko narealize na mahal ko na talaga siya. I get involve with lot of guy lalo na sa lalaking gusto talaga ng family ko para sa akin. Not to flirt or to forget him but to tell them what I have felled for kurt.

Kilala ni Edwin si kurt as my present bf. Ginawa ko yun kasi ayaw ko sa kanya. In short ginmit ko lang ng una si kurt but not now. Kasi ng mga past few weeks din ay parang napapalapit na din loob k okay Edwin. Gwapo naman si Edwin, mas gwapo pa daw nga kay Kurt sabi ng mga friends ko. Pero ewan ko…

One day, I beep him up. Iba na kasi pakiramdam ko eh. Parang iniiwasan nya na ako. Although wala na akong right magreclamo, still kinapalan ko na pagmumukha ko. I ask him if “is there a person na kinawiwilihan mo na?” He doesn’t answer me directly which make me mad. Next day I still ask him but he didn’t answer. He just told me that he is busy already because he is already having his duty at the hospital.

I gave him more time and space for that question for him to answer me. After that time that I gave, I ask him again if he still loves me and if there is a girl which he is being with. Hindi nya pa rin sinagot ng tama, kaya nagalit na ako kasi parang ginagawa nya na akong tanga. Minahal ko naman kasi sya kahit konti and in some ways kaya I think I have the right to ask him. And the most painful is he keeps on holdin me that in the end he will just put me disappointment.

Now, he is I think happy with someone, and still I am here waiting for him. Loving him secretly because he is such a good and perfect man to be remembered, a man full of love, respect and extended patience for the one he love.

I LOVE YOU! Even you don’t love me anymore.

You’ll stay in my heart for ever bhaybe(baby)…